I'm married now and here are my thoughts

Major life events are curious things. It’s weird to be celebrated for finding your partner, but it’s also really, really fun.

Step one: find a photographer that takes pictures where you’re like, oh damn, yes, we look good! Pic via Caitlin Rose Photo

I was hesitant to have a wedding celebration. Is it cheesy to have a wedding? Am I full basic status for wanting one? Should we gather a small group and go to Mexico? Is it modern to skip it entirely?

When I searched my heart of hearts though, I knew I wanted the whole big party, fancy dress and to dance my heart out with my love and all my friends and fam, which leads me to the reason I am writing this post…

HAVING A WEDDING WAS FULLY WORTH IT.

It seems so over the top to declare one 6 hour party the best day of your life, but after it’s all said and done I am firmly in the camp of YES, HAVE THE WEDDING.

I cannot overstate how super magical and wonderful it was to celebrate with our friends and family. It was impossible to not feel loved. I mean how insanely cool that all these people had taken time off from their lives to come hang out with us and eat food in fancy clothes?

Here we are stomping on the glass (we each had our own). Pic via Caitlin Rose Photo

If the point of life is being present and loving your loved ones, then having a wedding is a seriously wonderful way to combine the best of life.

What no one could have prepared me for was how sad I was once it was all over and the last of my family went back to their respective coasts.

The general consensus on wedding planning is one of relief once it’s finally done, like whew! We did it and it’s over, YAY! So when I cried like 5 times over the next week because I was just so sad it was done, but also just absolutely overjoyed that it happened and was perfect and then I’d be so overwhelmed with love, I was like,

WHAT IS HAPPENING, WHO AM I? WHEN DID I BECOME A CRY PERSON?

All these feelings were a colossal surprise to me. Have I always been this sentimental? (Yes, I uncontrollably sobbed as a 5-year-old at a screening of Milo & Otis)

So now that time has passed and I’m able to accept that my wedding was a once in a lifetime event, I’m left with a different perspective on my life.

I had never truly realized how lucky I am. Our wedding was a moment where I was able to take a visual stock of my life. Surrounded by friends and family, I realized that no matter what my job or my location, I have already succeeded at life. I have cultivated strong relationships with people whom I love and admire and it has filled my heart with such joy to be able to see that and enjoy it.

How do I even begin to express the joy all of these ladies have brought me? Pic via Caitlin Rose Photo

I know it’s the most cliché, but it really does feel different to be married. It’s hard to pin down what it is exactly, but I will say it is especially fun to be newlyweds because people are extra nice to us.

Most noticeably, I feel more calm because I get to have a partner with me, which feels something like cheating at life. Sometimes we’re hanging out and I’m just struck with how insane it all is. How did we find each other? Why is it so fun to just do nothing or decide that Sunday night is bowling night? It’s honestly mind-boggling.

In the end, it boils down to this: there is so much darkness out there, if you can throw a party to celebrate the bright I SAY GO FOR IT!

Things I'm Thinking About: Toxic Friendship

For a while now, I've been thinking about the concept of toxic friendship, a friendship that either has soured or perhaps was an unfair energy balance from the start. It's a topic that frankly, makes me super uncomfortable because it feels SO PERSONAL when we talk about cutting people out.

Letting go of a friendship can be quite difficult, but typically it's a part of growing. Life is nothing but constant change so as we grow and evolve, sometimes we've got to walk away completely or put a little distance between ourselves and others. When we start to sense that a relationship might be taking a toll on our wellbeing. 

I know I make this process extra hard on myself because I don't want to hurt feelings in the process of protecting myself, but I've realized that it's honestly not personal. Walking away from a friendship doesn't make that person or you 'bad,' it just means the relationship created was either bringing out bad habits or traits or perhaps has come to its natural end. 

As I've worked on finding and maintaining proper energy boundaries for myself, I've noticed that when I am forgetting to respond and generally avoidant, that might be a sign that something needs reevaluating. If I leave a hangout and feel drained, then I need to reevaluate how I'm spending my time and if it's my company that might be part of it.

When we find that someone is leaving us drained or otherwise, it's best to take a step back.

In fact, science has proved that friendship can have powerful effects on us, both positive and negative. I'm sure many of us have heard the idea that we're the sum of the 5 people we are closest with, as championed by Tim Ferriss, business and productivity author extraordinaire.

I think there's a lot of value in that type of thinking especially when you're working on a goal, building a business or just generally working on being YOUR BEST SELF. 

The other side of the coin, of course, is in surrounding ourselves with people who add value, positive energy and just generally add joy into our lives. 

Recently the New York Times published a piece called, "The Power of Positive People," which has some strong reminders of all the good that comes from positive relationships. (It's also a v quick read, which is a bonus). 

So what happens if you realize you need to cut the cord? 

One of my favorite blogs, The Chalkboard Mag addressed this recently. Sidenote, It's pretty much the only newsletter that I subscribe to and actually read EVERY SINGLE DAY. If you needed a push to cut the energetic cord of a toxic relationship, there's actually a ritual you can try.

While some may think this falls under extra or exceptionally woo-woo, in IMHO, a ritual or intention can be the missing piece in moving things along. 

More to come on friendship soon, would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.