DEFINING SURRENDER AND EXPLORING LIFE AS IMPROV

Zibby: Have you ever thought of that?

Jesse: Thought what?

Zibby: How everything in life is basically improvised. There’s no script, we’re just makin’ this up as we go.

Jesse: That’s true.

Liberal Arts*(Elizabeth Olsen, Josh Radnor) 

How does your higher self communicate truths to you? Mine sends me messages through little scenes from obscure movies like this one. As I watched the scene unfold, I was struck. What if life is one big improv show?

COME WITH ME ON THIS JOURNEY INTO MY CONSCIOUSNESS AND INTO MY LESSON FROM THE UNIVERSE ON SURRENDER.

Discover & share this Whoa GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

1) IF LIFE IS IMPROV THE SHOW IS ALREADY HAPPENING.

2) IF LIFE IS IMPROV, SURRENDER IS PARAMOUNT: CONTROL IS FUTILE. (FLIPSIDE:THE CHANCES FOR FUN SKYROCKET)

3) IF LIFE IS IMPROV, WE CAN CO-CREATE WITH LIFE (AM I CHANGING MY MIND ON MANIFESTING??)

How do we unlock joy and creativity and art in the most random AND CHALLENGING of circumstances?

COMPLETE AND TOTAL SURRENDER. Have you ever been to an improv show? If someone isn’t willing to make a complete fool of themselves, it sucks.10 years ago I took the Improv 101 class at UCB theatre. I wanted to be creative and I wanted to meet hot dudes (LOLOL). Instead I got a rude awakening that I had massive control issues. Letting go and allowing myself to be completely present? HAHAHAHA. HARD AF.

Every practice I was constantly caught flat-footed because I was running lists of things that could be coming my way instead of LISTENING AND WATCHING WHAT WAS HAPPENING. 

I was completely unable (unwilling??) to let my guard down and fully commit to being in a scene. In improv, you can sculpt a world from nothing. But not if you’re anticipating or expecting something - YOU miss the magic and YOU kill the vibe. UGH, I was SUCH a vibe killer!!

The number one rule in improv? The Yes, And Rule. With the Yes, And Rule you’re validating what your partner said and you’re adding value by sketching more of the world you’re in - YES, AND brings shape and new life to the creation.

IF I'm not Yes, and-ing then I'm negating and controlling. If I get stuck on the expectations and anticipations, I miss the beauty and quirks of what's happening right in front of me. If you’ve ever done improv or comedy, you know that if you get stuck in your head, you’re dead. You’ve got to be an open vessel; completely fluid, and open to receive ANYTHING from your scene partner. 

GOOD IMPROV REQUIRES COMPLETE SURRENDER INTO THE SCENE.  
Good improv requires bravery + vulnerability. At 25 I was neither brave nor vulnerable. I was setting out to prove something, which is not the recipe for improv success. Improv is full of weird people because it’s full of people who have accepted themselves and they are willing to go with it.

Failing is part of the art.

How many times have you heard people say, you have to surrender? I’m always like, ok cool, BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Is it just completely letting go? Is it a lack of care? What does it mean to truly surrender?

But if life is improv then we have a new doorway into surrender. Surrender isn’t a lack of care or inaction, but complete trust and faith in yourself and whoever is there with you.  

SURRENDER IS EGOLESS PATIENCE COMBINED WITH OPENNESS TO THE PRESENT. If we wait for the right circumstances and the right people, then we’re in a Samuel Beckett play. No one wants to die being like, BUT WAIT I DIDN’T GET TO PLAY!!!! So therefore the time is now. The stage is set and there is no script since we’re all making it up as we go.

When the performers can let go of any preconceived notions of what they want to bring and just trust that the scene will be shaped as they go, they co-create a new universe for the audience and everyone gets to be inside of the dream for a moment. Good improv takes you to a new place.

If we live life with the spirit of improv, then we can create and play and make magic literally anytime, anywhere - through a little ingenuity, a willingness to make a fool of ourselves, and throwing ourselves into the moment. If we want to make great art we have to be willing to give it our all, even if it turns out totally wrong.

Something unexpected happened during the live performance for my Improv 101 finale, I actually was able to surrender to the moment.

The last class is held at the theatre in front of your friends and family. I was so energized and overwhelmed by the presence of the audience that I had no space left to be in my head. I was able to volley back and forth and participate in the performance art that is improv - my teacher and fellow classmates were floored.

What we’re really afraid of when we accept these truths about control and surrender is that it’s the unknown that’s the most terrifying thing.

WHAT HAPPENS IF I LET GO? 

It’s the biggest catch-22 we face. We must die to the illusion of control and our ego in order to live fully as ourselves. The fun happens when we fully release the reigns on our illusions and allow ourselves to open up to the possibilities.

We do get a little control though, so hang with me here - the control we have is to recognize we have no control. We have control to make the most out of what we have.

Just like good improv happens when the performers are completely willing to fail and completely willing to commit to the moment, we see the exact same thing happen in our lives. Magic happens when people open themselves up to the full spectrum of possibilities.

How many of us are negating and controlling in our lives instead of Yes, and-ing? What if peace is simply accepting the chaos, fully melting into the moment, and allowing for flow?

WHAT IF LIFE REALLY IS ONE GIANT IMPROV SHOW?

When the scene from Liberal Arts floated to me a few weeks back, I remembered my experience in front of an audience. The thrill and exhilaration of performing, presence, teamwork, listening, and surrender. It pushed me to go live on Instagram. I was reminded about how much there is to gain when we just say fuck it, I’ll DO IT LIVE!

Are you ready to jump in?

*this movie came out in 2012 and I’m not sure I recommend it, but since we’re in quar-times, fuck it, you should watch it, because what else are you doing? Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother (Josh Radnor) wrote it and it’s one of these movies where you’re like, why am I still watching? This movie is 10 years too long, but also encapsulates the pressure of college and how aimless adult life can feel like. Did you see his other movie happythankyoumoreplease? It’s the better of the two.

Some of my resources along the way

here are a few things that have shaped my views

In my 20s living in the TINIEST East Village apartment caused me to come face to face with my shopping habits. In tandem with learning about how much waste is produced through fast fashion, I began my journey into paring down. I learned a ton from the podcast and blog by The Minimalists. I also recommend their Netflix doc, Minimalism: A Documentary About The Important Things - the music for the doc was specifically made for the movie and it’s super calming.

In the same vein, reading Marie Kondo, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing was also hugely helpful at making my home joy-FULL. Those who know me know I have the ability to ruthlessly cut down on my belongings. Marie’s book is truly where I gave myself permission to lean into that talent.

One of my good friends turned me on to Lacy Phillip’s manifestation process at  To Be Magnetic a few years ago and it has challenged me to think about WHY I want something. While Lacy herself can be a bit controversial, I love to listen to her podcast, Expanded, because of the variety of guests who come on - you just never know what you might learn about! I find it so interesting.

Gay Hendricks & Kathlyn Hendricks’ book Conscious Loving, which I’m pretty sure I read because of GOOP. I know this may seem absolutely wild, but no book has changed my life more than this one. No matter your relationship status, this book will open your eyes to how you communicate.

Gay Hendricks’ The Big Leap is the other book that opened my eyes and helped me change course on my life. After learning about Lacy Phillips, I realized this book is what taught me how to manifest in my own life.

Finding Kundalini yoga (and specifically Jarrod & Melody from Brooklyn Healing Arts ) was a blessing and another turning point in my spiritual development. The kriyas and breathwork really helped me connect with the deeper current and because of that, I was able to actually understand the point of yoga. Jarrod’s Friday night sound baths at Golden Bridge Yoga (HOW I MISS THEE!) kept me sane when I was in graduate school + working full-time as a first-year teacher.

I was lucky to be a part of Medi Club/The Big Quiet when I lived in New York City, helping to run small group gatherings where people could connect and meditate and share in the fellowship of likeminded souls. While circles no longer exist in those groups, having a community grounded in genuine connections was such a blessing. Some of my closest friendships have sprung from those gatherings and because of the community, I was able to step into my own power even more.

What are the things that have shaped your viewpoint?

The dark side of manifesting

[Manifestation - the idea that you can call something into existence through thought/prayer/intention]

If you do a quick google on manifestation, the results can be overwhelming. IS EVERYONE AN EXPERT ON MANIFESTING? Or perhaps, is everyone manifesting without me?

The concept of manifesting can stir some controversial feelings. Are we really able to turn our thoughts into physical manifestations? Are all these people selling me snake oil or are we actually able to exert some control over our destiny? Is this a new version of the prosperity gospel (Joel Osteen, Tammy Faye & Jim Bakker) divorced from Christianity?

As you read and research for yourself, you might find yourself thinking there’s some truth to the concept that what we focus on becomes our reality.

At the end of the day, I do believe in manifestation more than I don’t. We all get to choose our belief structures and I want to buy into manifestation and energetics more than I choose to believe in modern religion.

I’ve been aware of/reading/studying the law of attraction & different manifestation practices for over a decade - starting with the Hay House authors (Louise Hay & Abraham Hicks & Anita Moorjani) and more recently (mostly) subscribing to the teachings of Lacy Phillips at To Be Magnetic.

I think there’s a lot of interesting things happening when you set out to manifest. First, you’re taking the time to think about what you want your life to look like & what you want in your life. Getting clear on what we want is one of the most important gifts we can give ourselves.

If there’s one thing we do for ourselves, I think taking the time to look at our lives; our goals and our wants and our dreams and really thinking about them, turning them over, examining the why behind them and understanding if they are truly ours or not is super valuable to our overall daily satisfaction.

Determining our own value systems separate from any other entity is crucial to our happiness! We need to be spending time figuring out our values and goals. So if that process starts for you through manifestation, that’s a great channel to dive into your own value system. A popular, simple manifestation process of making a list and searching for signs that good things are coming to you, can also be a great way to practice choosing positivity or gratitude.

Where things start to get hairy for me are some of the implicit messages floating around in traditional manifestation literature - specifically the idea that we’re inherently entitled to material wealth and are in fact rewarded for our spiritual practice through material gain. The inverse, the idea that we bring on bad things to ourselves and that our lack of gain is a reflection of our spiritual life deeply concerning to me.

FOLLOW THE MONEY

there’s also a bit of a capitalistic dark side to popular manifestation processes: permission for an unbridled pursuit of excess materialism in the name of spiritual perfection and performance.

Popular manifestation teachers encourage and give permission to dream your most materialistic dreams and pursue them with your full extent of your resources, encouraging students to get to the next level by spending loads of money on programs and coaching to achieve the material success they are peddling.

BEWARE OF ‘MY PROGRAM WILL FIND YOU LOVE’

These teachers can press about our insecurities, preying on our deepest fears and insecurities - the reason why we haven’t called in the right partner? WE HAVEN’T DONE THE WORK. It’s our fault we don’t have the life we covet.

The implicit message can be that we’re broken or lost, and can’t get what they have unless we follow their program. All the while, they are tying your success to adhering to their programs. Well, you must not be REALLY doing the work, is the implication for anyone who isn’t manifesting their dreams.

I mean, I get it.

To get people hooked into your brand, you gotta get them with the shiny stuff and the vulnerable stuff. This house? Oh, you know manifestation. THIS PERFECT HUSBAND? MANIFESTATION. Want to know how? Spend X to learn my ways.

Do you feel me on this? Related side note, I LOVE NICE THINGS & I HAVE SPENT A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY ON SEEKING LOVE. So, this all comes from a place of I’ve been there and I feel like I’ve done and seen it all.

Don’t get me wrong. I am a petty bitch who is into aesthetics and I have spent much of my life, time, and energy looking for the perfect cashmere sweater or pair of jeans to telegraph my personality into the world. But one might say hypocritically, I don’t believe in excess consumerism. Are these at odds? Maybe. To me, they aren’t. I think we can participate in culture and society and enjoy nice things, but in a reasonable, grounded fashion.

To me, ‘manifesting’ wealth in an excess of material goods seems unethical at this point. I think we have to divorce our wishes from the reality of the environment that we live in. I don’t think we get to validate our self-worth through material excess. We don’t ‘deserve’ a bounty of material goods from the universe. Excess is excess. If we want to continue to live on this planet, we must change our outlook and goals in respect to how we consume and how interact with our planet.

I have spent hours crying over my skin and my auto-immune issues, feeling trapped that it is my own mental patterns creating my acne and my lack of perfect health, because there are messages out there that acne and other physical issues and illnesses are just mental patterns being played out on the phyiscal plane. Is there some truth to it? Maybe, but is it the only truth? I don’t think so. You know what finally cleared my skin after I tried essentially everything for 10 years? ACCUTANE. YOU KNOW WHAT HELPS WITH MY AUTOIMMUNE? NOTHING (but hopefully something, eventually?) We are powerful, but we’re not God (if you believe in one).

What am I doing wrong that I can’t find love? AM I UNLOVABLE? I wondered that for years. We all have the same fears, that we’re unlovable and that no one will love us for who we really are. I am joyously in a partnership - I’ve got a wonderful husband, but I don’t believe we met because I am more deserving than someone else. Here is a truth though, everyone is deserving of love and you can absolutely be loved for being who you authentically are.

Our lives are full of ups and downs. We can choose our beliefs, we can choose to see the joy and we can choose to learn lessons, but I hope you don’t choose to pin your worth to these programs.

Our lives are successful and our manifestion practice can be successful even if our live isn’t one giant upward trend graph like we’re taught to believe it will be IF ONLY WE DO THIS [INSERT PROGRAM/BELIEF/ACTIVITY HERE].

All I’m saying, is that I’m seeing so much faux-spirituality being tied up in consumerism and I don’t think you need to spend a dollar to manifest or develop intuition or to get healthy. Can you spend money on these things? Of course and honey, I DO. These are my hobbies and passions. But, are you turned off from trying manifestation processes because they feel overly focused on the material gain? I get it. I think there is space to manifest in partnership with spiritual development.