Things I'm Thinking About: Toxic Friendship

For a while now, I've been thinking about the concept of toxic friendship, a friendship that either has soured or perhaps was an unfair energy balance from the start. It's a topic that frankly, makes me super uncomfortable because it feels SO PERSONAL when we talk about cutting people out.

Letting go of a friendship can be quite difficult, but typically it's a part of growing. Life is nothing but constant change so as we grow and evolve, sometimes we've got to walk away completely or put a little distance between ourselves and others. When we start to sense that a relationship might be taking a toll on our wellbeing. 

I know I make this process extra hard on myself because I don't want to hurt feelings in the process of protecting myself, but I've realized that it's honestly not personal. Walking away from a friendship doesn't make that person or you 'bad,' it just means the relationship created was either bringing out bad habits or traits or perhaps has come to its natural end. 

As I've worked on finding and maintaining proper energy boundaries for myself, I've noticed that when I am forgetting to respond and generally avoidant, that might be a sign that something needs reevaluating. If I leave a hangout and feel drained, then I need to reevaluate how I'm spending my time and if it's my company that might be part of it.

When we find that someone is leaving us drained or otherwise, it's best to take a step back.

In fact, science has proved that friendship can have powerful effects on us, both positive and negative. I'm sure many of us have heard the idea that we're the sum of the 5 people we are closest with, as championed by Tim Ferriss, business and productivity author extraordinaire.

I think there's a lot of value in that type of thinking especially when you're working on a goal, building a business or just generally working on being YOUR BEST SELF. 

The other side of the coin, of course, is in surrounding ourselves with people who add value, positive energy and just generally add joy into our lives. 

Recently the New York Times published a piece called, "The Power of Positive People," which has some strong reminders of all the good that comes from positive relationships. (It's also a v quick read, which is a bonus). 

So what happens if you realize you need to cut the cord? 

One of my favorite blogs, The Chalkboard Mag addressed this recently. Sidenote, It's pretty much the only newsletter that I subscribe to and actually read EVERY SINGLE DAY. If you needed a push to cut the energetic cord of a toxic relationship, there's actually a ritual you can try.

While some may think this falls under extra or exceptionally woo-woo, in IMHO, a ritual or intention can be the missing piece in moving things along. 

More to come on friendship soon, would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.