just a small thought for today
In my two previous careers (corporate retail, teaching middle and high school), I felt deeply uneasy about my career identity. I felt like my job was never right for expressing who I really am. Working in health and fitness is a better fit with my personal interests and love for people, but I still feel I have more to tap into creatively.
With no clear plan on how to spend my time off (other than getting sucked into wedding planning) I have been working to set up my paints and my notebooks in places that are easy to get to, so that when I do have downtime, I am not endlessly scrolling instagram for wedding ideas, but am more likely to reach for a paint and experiment a little bit with watercolor. Last year around this time was the first time I put my work in the public, during a small art show in Bushwick. This year I'd love to sell my cards locally and perhaps on Etsy? Ideally I'd like to find a community of people in Austin who also paint and create.
My life has changed so much since moving here that I'm still working on daily / weekly routines. In many ways, I feel like I'm back in college or high school, with loads of free time and no clear idea on how to use it effectively. It's a gift I sometimes worry I'm frittering away. I feel lucky to be shaken up and finding my footing, able to reset my routines and behaviors, but it can be deeply uncomfortable. I've found myself questioning my own interests, and I've observed how quickly I can become paralyzed by all of these new freedom.
When I was younger, I yearned for someone to just tell me what I am good at, or point out any path that might make me feel safe. Now, I know that I can't take shortcuts to my own happiness and success, but that doesn't stop me from feeling I'm a giant ball of potential without a clear path to express it/ unlock it.
Spending some time with my paints makes me feel good. Maybe the work I make will never go farther than my living room, but it's something I like and for now that seems like a solid starting place.