HAPPY NEW YEAR: TRANSITIONING FROM 2019 TO 2020

One of the most transformative experiences I had in 2019 was completing a 200-hour yoga teacher training alongside my husband.

It’s still a bit of a mystery to me how this happened because I don’t consider myself a yogi. However, I always knew I wanted to do a yoga teacher training - it was one of my “bucket” list items if you will. 

Teacher training opened my mind to how truly insane yoga is. Yoga is some next level shit and I am not even referring to the people on Instagram looking like little pretzels. I mean just the definition of yoga, where you are linking your breathing and connecting spirit, mind, and body. YOGA CAN BE ANYTHING AS LONG AS YOUR INTENTION IS TO LINK THE SPIRIT TO THE BODY THROUGH PRESENCE & BREATH.

WOW, right?! 

Have you ever just stopped a moment to stand?

REALLY felt your feet? Appreciate your toes? See how much they do to keep you upright? Take a minute and DO IT. Right now even. It feels great. It will expand your mind. When I stop to think about how long I could just stand and feel into my body, finding my posture, and just listening, it kind of blows my mind.

I went to my first yoga class in 2008. I was scared out of my mind.

WHAT IS YOGA? 

DOES ANYONE KNOW IT IS MY FIRST TIME HERE?

And most importantly, I AM NOT FLEXIBLE.

I was living alone in Hoboken, New Jersey and I had decided that instead of paying for internet & cable, I would be better off joining a gym so that at least I could force myself out of the house and around people.

Yoga was an exercise for getting out of my comfort zone and trying something new. 

Afterward, I would feel exhilarated. I stuck with it through the years, trying new studios as I moved into Manhattan and later into Brooklyn. Each time, I would show up thinking, will they know I am not really a yoga person?

When I accidentally tried Kundalini yoga, I realized how truly powerful breathing is. I fell in love with the kriyas and chanting. We have the power to shift our whole mood! Some would say we have the power to change the trajectory of our lives through the power of our breath. (Here’s a simple Kundalini set if you’re curious)

I would day-dream that one day I could find the time and money to study yoga. For whatever reason, I told myself I wasn’t “good enough” to do that - while spending time and money pursuing other things that I didn’t really want to do…(what’s this all about?) The opportunity presented itself this past January. I was invited to join the teacher training at one of my local yoga studios (I am a projector & I do love to be invited!) I was excited and scared. Am I qualified for this? (PS - I’m really into imposter syndrome) 

The thing no one can prepare you for when embarking on a yoga teacher training is it’s more like life training. More than my body was challenged, my belief system was challenged. My husband and I would come home from an evening of training and spend the next 2 or 3 hours talking about what just happened. 

The most powerful thing was being provoked. We need that friction to change.

Our teacher would challenge us during our teaching practice by asking “who says?” 

Making us think about our identities and our belief systems. It was simultaneously demanding and liberating.

How often do we box ourselves in with limiting beliefs? How often do we hold on to an identity long after we know it’s time to let it go?

Who says?

It’s a wonderful thing to ask yourself.

Terrifying too.

I’d wager a go at a follow up though. After you ask yourself who says, what if you asked,  WHO CARES? But not in a judgy, dismissive way, it an investigative way, ask yourself and be the detective, WHO ACTUALLY CARES? I bet it’s only you and your assumptions, or you playing out versions of the future in your mind, projecting your feelings out there into some serious worst-case scenario situations. At least, that’s what I like to do!

WHAT IF IT’S NOT PERFECT? WHAT IF IT’S NOT THE BEST? WHAT IF PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE IT OR ME?

When I dig into that judgment, and ask, who cares? I see it’s my own judgment I fear most of all. The fear of failing to live up to my own expectations.

As we move into 2020, what can we release? Where can we let go?

Where can we give ourselves permission to chase our joy?

Happy New Year my darlings!