Understanding Conditioning: Body Image + Human Design
I remember distinctly being in 4th grade and the girl next to me in music class lamenting her “fat thighs.”
As I heard this girl tear her body apart, I was struck by what she was saying. I hadn’t really given too much thought to my thighs before this moment and her words drove into me like a wedge.
Was I supposed to hate my body?
PAUSE: Human Design immediately makes me think about childhood body image? YES.
A huge part of living your design is releasing the conditioning that you’ve picked up along the way that pushes you to live in your NOT SELF.
As adults, we know that this 9 year old didn’t authentically hate her “fat thighs,” she was simply reflecting the conditioning of her family and the cultural beliefs that she had absorbed from her environment. Something I reference all the time on my instagram is the Beauty Redefined book and teachings. Lexie and Lindsay Kite, PhD’s have researched exactly how women are taught to self-objectify themselves and the harm that causes.
Finding the beliefs that keep us stuck from being ourselves is one of the first steps needed when you are working towards living YOUR fulfilling life. If you are living in a woman’s body, chances are you need to work through your self-objectifying beliefs so that you can get into your authentic desires and energy.
To connect to our inner voice and guidance, we must be IN and connected to our bodies. Facing memories and beliefs about what keeps us disconnected from our bodies is a HUGE part of the process. It is not pretty, it doesn’t really feel good either, but it is a part of the process that allows you to get to a place of authenticity within yourself and isn’t that the whole point of being alive?
Competition, comparison, body image issues, it all starts YOUNG. It serves as a distraction from living your life. It is also strategically used to oppress women because we can’t move forward if we’re too worried about how we look.
In Human Design terminology, this is called conditioning. We are conditioned to fit in and be acceptable so that we get our needs met. Women believe that their value is tied to how they look and therefore we shut down huge swaths of our authentic selves to divert precious resources to making ourselves “acceptable.” But you are not a stock. Your value does NOT rise and fall in concordance with your physical appearance.
Why does this matter? Conditioning holds us back from being who we are. If we are worried about HOW WE LOOK, then we are not clued into HOW WE FEEL.
How you look may get you rewarded externally for a bit, but tuning into how you FEEL will lead to actually being aligned with your highest self.
When we are in flow we are freely allowing our unique energetic signature to beam into universe with clarity.
When we are living in our NOT SELF, we’re scrambling or hiding our energetic signature - and we’re not calling in the correct opportunities and people for us.
In order to clear out our conditioning so that we’re beaming out a clear signal, we’ve got to get in our bodies to feel our authority so that we’re not overthinking and getting stuck in our conditioning.
Embodiment is the antidote to self-objectification. Striving to live fully in our physical being leads to our full expression of being.
Embodiment is a word thrown around a lot lately. But what does it really mean when someone says this? If we look to the dictionary, we see embody to mean giving a body to a spirit. I see embodiment as a channel to deeper self-understanding. We need to be fully grounded in ourselves (our body) to make decisions that are truly the best for us.
I find it can be helpful if we all understand that embodiment simply means being grounded in our body. Now, this isn’t a seamless transition. It’s taken me a long time to drop my self-objectification and just allow myself to BE. It feels awkward at first to not participate in diet culture. I felt self-conscious to just let my body be - but the more I just allowed myself to be, the more I realized I could hear what my body was saying. I felt what a yes and no was in my body.
Allow embodiment to be a daily practice. Notice how often you are disconnected and watching yourself in life. Gently steer yourself back into the present moment.
What do you feel? I found that slow flow yoga and yin yoga really helped me connect into my physical being. A physical practice of any kind that helps you be present and in the moment will help you connect to your inner voice.
Want to learn more? Let’s chat
Human Design is a Compass for our Wellbeing
What I love about working with my clients and Human Design is that we always end up at the heart of who you are. I see Human Design as a cosmic compass pointing to who we were all underneath the layers of conditioning and expectations we heap on ourselves (intentionally and not).
Sometimes we need a reintroduction to who we are and sometimes all we need is permission to embrace what makes us special. The beating heart of my sessions is a constant - we can run from who we are, we can bury who we are, we can hate who we are - but we are who we are.
What I love about working with my clients and Human Design is that we always end up at the heart of who you are. I see Human Design as a cosmic compass pointing to who we were all underneath the layers of conditioning and expectations we heap on ourselves (intentionally and not).
Sometimes we need a reintroduction to who we are and sometimes all we need is permission to embrace what makes us special. The beating heart of my sessions is a constant - we can run from who we are, we can bury who we are, we can hate who we are - but we are who we are.
The best course forward is to love who we are. In all my career paths, this is the lesson that I’ve learned, and it gets deeper every year. As a teacher, I found that the students who got the most out of their assignments were the students who were willing to learn from their mistakes and honestly assess their shortcomings. These students didn’t see their work as personal failings, they understood it was a marker in time and they could use the information to make the next piece that much more interesting. Students who found a personal interest in what they were doing were also more successful because they were able to integrate the information and the lessons fully.
As a fitness instructor, I saw the same thing. The students who could take critical feedback on their form and didn’t take it personally grew stronger and typically didn’t injure themselves. Being able to see yourself honestly allows you to move forward effectively and efficiently.
The clients who were in denial about their abilities didn’t get better. Something I saw both in fitness classes and teaching school is the people who can mimic the work without integrating it. Some students have learned to get through school by sheer memorizing, but they don’t really conceptually understand what they’ve put forth. The same thing happens in fitness classes; there are clients who can mimic the work and appear to be doing the exercises but are actually just performing. The real strength just isn’t there, they are superficially executing the moves. It may feel good to look like you’re doing it, but I believe you know deep down when your work isn’t more than surface level.
True wellbeing isn’t a performance. Moving from external performance to internal integration takes humility and perseverance. We must be willing to make mistakes, learn from our mistakes, and approach life like a scientist in a lab; trying different ways without attaching to our expectations. If a scientist keeps trying one way and doesn’t allow for flexibility, trying multiple avenues and different materials, they will never make progress. If we get hung up on a certain set of beliefs, we become stagnant and stuck. Change and evolution is the only constant in life. Don’t get stuck in the past because you can’t adapt to the now.
If you are stuck in the past, Human Design can help you identify where you are stuck. We come back to who we are when we live in alignment with who we are instead of living against who we are.
I love Human Design because when I began to study my own blend of energy, I was able to release a lot of conditioning that had been holding me back. Human Design is the anchor that drives me to keep going and continue to stake my own claim on life. It alone isn’t a tool of transformation, but it is the map, showing us what we are working towards. It gives us signposts that we can use to know when we’re on our way and when we’re moving away from our authenticity.
When we layer that Human Design map with our self-care practices, we can facilitate our own healing. We can transform.
You are meant to be the expert and authority on yourself. By having an understanding of your key energies (through knowing your own Human Design) you can trust yourself more. You won‘t need to follow someone else’s advice or be driven to tick boxes. We can develop a deeper understanding of what we’re releasing and what we’re inviting in. Just like working with intentions, when we know what we’re working towards, we have a better chance of getting there. We can cut out distractions and we can spot the tools we need on our journey.
Have you ever accidentally turned down a blessing? Been invited somewhere or given an opportunity and squandered it because you just didn’t understand how to use it?
Human Design gives us the map so that we see the value in doing self-care, it becomes the WHY.
Why do I want to take care of my body? (So I can hear my own intuition and authority instead of being driven by old programming and internalized voices from my youth)
Why do I want to practice movement like Pilates and yoga? (So that I am able to release stuck emotions and energy, clearing out the stuck energy so I can feel more myself)
Why do I want to do breathwork and meditation? (So I can feel comfortable with my emotions and recognize that I am not my thoughts)
When we understand WHY we are doing something, it becomes inherently more meaningful. When we know WHAT we are working towards, we feel energized and inspired. Our life isn’t about harmonizing our body, mind & soul, it’s what happens once we’ve found that harmony. We won’t always live in harmony, but when we understand how to bring ourselves back to alignment, we won’t be spending all our time striving for it. I’m interested in what happens once we’ve created a firm foundation for ourselves. How do we grow and expand and express ourselves? What can you do in the world once you feel safe being you?
Understanding the Sacral Center - do I know when enough is enough? perfectionism, burn out, performing life, and arbitrary goals
Do you know why I love Human Design? It has built-in signposts that we can use to evaluate if we’re balanced and in our authenticity.
The not-self themes of the energy centers and aura types are incredible tools to evaluate our wellbeing.
We don’t need to learn everything there is in our charts, we just need to understand some key elements. One of those crucial elements - especially in our culture of productivity and more is more? THE SACRAL CENTER!!
When we’re out of balance in the sacral center - or swept up in someone else’s sacral energy - we can massively overdo things.
GATHER ROUND DEAR ONES BECAUSE IF YOU LOVE TO GO OVERBOARD AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH - THEN YOU’VE BEEN SEDUCED BY SACRAL ENERGY!
Do you know why I love Human Design? It has built-in signposts that we can use to evaluate if we’re balanced and in our authenticity.
The not-self themes of the energy centers and aura types are incredible tools to evaluate our wellbeing.
We don’t need to learn everything there is in our charts, we just need to understand some key elements. One of those crucial elements - especially in our culture of productivity and more is more? THE SACRAL CENTER!!
When we’re out of balance in the sacral center - or swept up in someone else’s sacral energy - we can massively overdo things.
GATHER ROUND DEAR ONES BECAUSE IF YOU LOVE TO GO OVERBOARD AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH - THEN YOU’VE BEEN SEDUCED BY SACRAL ENERGY!
YES FRIENDS, HERE’S OUR POSTER CHILD FOR DOING TOO MUCH.
Jessie Spano put herself under constant pressure to perform. If you aren’t familiar with this iconic episode, the TL;DR is that her high standards had her stressed out and making questionable decisions.
If you’re a perfectionist (recovering or not) and hold yourself to impossibly high standards that drive you crazy - you likely don’t know when to stop.
Why do we put this pressure on ourselves to do the most?
Because we’re hoping that if we do everything perfectly and overachieve, we can free ourselves from feeling pain. We’re trying to run away from life’s realities by attempting to make our lives bulletproof. Perfectionism + impossible standards is a coping mechanism we apply to ourselves like a shield. We believe that somehow our achievements will allow us to fly above those who get criticism and that we can escape without being seen or evaluated.
Perfection is a distorted coping mechanism designed so that we don’t take a look at our vulnerabilities and real needs. Perfectionism takes the sting out of the hurt and rejection of life - “HAHA. YOU CANNOT HURT ME AS I HAVE ALREADY HURT MYSELF,” WE THINK.
We can beat ourselves up first, so you can’t hurt us... but the problem is - perfectionism is a self-fulfilling prophecy. We live constantly under the shadow of our own expectations, idealism (ahem, delusion) and the constant barrage of internal monologue THAT NOTHING IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH.
We’re here to enjoy life - not blaze through a checklist and amass achievements. Achievements mean nothing if they are done for external approval.
Perfectionism is performing life for validation. Performing life for validation is a vapid existence.
HOW DO I KNOW? BECAUSE I HAVE LIVED IT.
Performing life doesn’t feel good.
If you think you might be performing life - it looks like this:
Achieving the goal you were obsessed over, but when the reward comes, it feels empty instead of satisfying. We’re supposed to enjoy the journey and not race to the destination. When I achieve a goal only to find it was an empty milestone, I can then reflect back and evaluate- was the goal process or product? If it turns out it wasn’t thrilling or engaging during the process, then it was probably for show.
Believing there are winners and losers. We believe we have to compete or fail. If this is the loop you’re caught in - getting a reading can really sort out what the best path to your success feels like.
Worrying or living by what others think of you. Thinking you have only one option because of family expectations or cultural expectations. Examining where this pressure is coming from and who’s benefitting from this pressure is super critical here to begin to untie this know.
FULL ON BURN OUT. If you are getting sick or injured or if you are losing interest in life or if you are just done - you aren’t living for yourself. I HAVE BEEN THERE.
BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU’RE HERE NOW AND HUMAN DESIGN CAN BE A TREMENDOUS TOOL TO HELP YOU OVERCOME YOUR SELF-SABOTAGING WAYS.
First, let’s take a look at the power of the sacral center for sacral beings:
The sacral center is sacred for Generators and Manifesting-Generators.
If you have your sacral defined (Generators + Manifesting-Generators) understanding your sacral energy will bring you greater alignment as your awareness of how your energy operates increases.
Developing a relationship with the frequency of yes and no is absolutely paramount for your wellbeing. You must respect what your energy is telling you and listen to it if you want to live your best life.
To feel satisfied and aligned as a Generator and Manifesting-Generator follow the sacral energy as it alerts you to your passions and lights up for things that make you feel enthusiastic - the sacral doesn’t follow where you point, it points where you’re meant to go.
The sacral doesn’t care what’s cool - it’s showing you what you’re designed to do.
Fueling your passion = satisfaction.
Chasing achievements that aren’t rooted in passion = frustration.
How do you relate to sacral energy when you are a Projector, Manifestor, or Reflector?
If you DON’T have a defined sacral center (Projectors, Manifestors, Reflectors), understanding how you REACT to and AMPLIFY sacral energy can change your life.
The energy coming from the sacral center is super seductive. Generators and Manfesting-Generators are designed to pull others towards them with their sacral energy. We get caught in their sacral tailwind and think that we can do what sacral beings can do.
Non-sacral beings can have shadow around being thought of as lazy or not as tough as others, so we’ll catch that sacral wind and ride it hard to prove we can hang. Well, the Generators we’ve been hanging around are fine the next day, while we’re completely and utterly depleted.
Non-sacral beings can easily get hyped up on the powerful sacral energy that Generators and Manifesting-Generators are providing and we can push ourselves out of our natural range. It’s a little bit like a sugar rush and sugar crash. We have to understand how to balance our sacral intake so that we’re not crashing all over the place because we’re the ones left to deal with our own damage when we’ve set out to prove we’re just like the sacrals.
Borrowed sacral energy is like running up a credit card.
We’re going to have to pay the bill eventually. Sacral energy used incorrectly fuels us to live hard in the paint, blinding us to our own reality. Allowing us to push into the not-self even more.
Because we’re all conditioned (sacrals and non-sacrals, perfectionists and non-perfectionists alike) to believe that our worth is our productivity, we’re all seduced to push (or surf) the sacral energy as hard and as fast as it will go.
No matter your energy type, pay attention if you are forcing your energy - because if you force your energy too much? It’s burnout city (and if you’re a non-sacral burnout typically lasts a long time).
Think of your body as a car. If we’re constantly pressing on the gas pedal, but never stopping for fuel or maintenance, we’re headed for a spectacular breakdown (and not to mention a whopper of a bill at the auto shop).
The same thing happens to us when we try to force our sacral energy (or surf sacral energy that’s not ours) for too long.
If we’re performing life or trying to keep out or outrun our pain - we’re never going to learn when enough is enough. We’ll always be striving, hoping the next thing will be the thing that protects us.
We can’t live a pain-free life, no matter how much we achieve. Living comes with bumps and lessons and hurts.
Doing the most does not protect us from hurt, so use your energy to do things that make you happy instead of feeling like you’ve got to perform.
If you do not know what it means to break out of performing (and I know for myself unlocking from this mindset took years…) Begin by noting the things that make you feel excited.
When shifting from performance to progress, it’s not about the end result, but the exploration and the discovery inherent in life. You do not have to be good at something to explore it. You do not need permission to do what your heart desires.
When we’re engaging in activities that fill us up, it’s easier to know when it call it a day. When we’ve put in enough time and it’s time to rest.
WITH HUMAN DESIGN WE HAVE OUR MAP TO GET BACK TO REAL SELVES. WE CAN MAKE A HOME IN OUR BODIES AND FEEL GOOD.
When we connect to our bodies and our own authority that we can begin to break the cycle. We have to connect to our bodies to hear our authority, otherwise we’re going to think someone else knows better and we’ll be seduced by FOMO.
We are meant for so much more than this. Understanding who we are at our core means we can combat the pressures that take us out of ourselves.
Use the roadmaps of the not-self to guide yourself back to your own authority.
If you are in your frustration, bitterness, anger, disappointment and you keep doing instead of slowing down, you’re in the not-self.
The medicine of truth is that you don’t need to achieve or perform your worth. You are already innately worthy. Use your time and energy to fill your cup.
You are not here to be validated by anyone but yourself. Likes and popularity will never fill you to satisfaction, they create an endless cycle for more.
You can validate yourself and it feels much better than seeking external validation. On the road to your own validation you will face challenges. You need to be able to face obstacles and keep going with your own path. This is the work.
I pulled myself out of the hole by listening to my heart, journaling, creating a support group, seeing a therapist, seeing a psychic, doing a LOT of yoga, meditation, sound-healing, using crystals, learning what foods were good for me, reading all the self-help books, reiki, learning how to do reiki, moving my body regularly, riding bikes with friends, and most importantly, allowing myself to do the things that sounded fun to me.
A Human Design reading is a wonderful place to learn to strip back the layers of conditioning and learn what energies you have with you so you can work with what you’ve got instead of being seduced by the performance lifestyle.
Further recommended reading for unplugging from perfectionism:
Gay Hendricks, The Big Leap
Celeste Headlee, Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving
Jenny Odell, How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy
If you’re curious to chat before booking with me - you can text me (310-919-0678) or schedule a free 15-minute Zoom meeting here.