Shift into Your Body, Shift into Your Innate Worth + Connect with Your intuition

Letting go of weight loss, your ‘ideal body,’ and why loving yourself as you are right now is the key to getting through to your intuition

The biggest myth we face in our culture right now is that changing your external body will shift your internal worth.

OOF, this crock of SHIT… Y’all, if I could wave a magic wand right now and fix one thing, it would be to lift the veil and show anyone that believes changing their body will change their confidence how flawed that logic is.

First, if you are in IF then thinking or When then thinking, you’ve got it twisted. We must love AS WE ARE in order to move forward in our authenticity. Being rooted in the present is the only way we can be in touch with who we are. If we’re living for a future that hasn’t arrived, we’re missing the power in the present moment.

Loving your body right now and celebrating what it can do is how you connect to your intuition and find real confidence from within.

Not only does weight loss not solve confidence issues, but being overly focused on your appearance and controlling your body’s shape can be deeply damaging to your intuitive abilities. If you only see your body as an external appearance, you are cutting yourself off from your own power.

As someone who chased the thinness ideal for most of my life, I can tell you firsthand that this is myth. A new body will not improve your life. The only way to move the needle on your confidence is to look at your internal programming.

Despite the messages you’ve been receiving your entire life to the contrary, attaining a certain external look is never going to make you whole. Chasing thinness and youth is a losing game because you are making a tacit agreement that thinness and youth are “better” than growing old or having your body present differently that the cultural standard and ideals presented through mainstream advertising. (If you aren’t familiar with the work from Lindsay and Lexie Kite, who have literally written the book about self-objectification, check out Beauty Redefined, right now)

Your worth comes from within and it starts by being inside of your body instead of focusing on how you present to others. The biggest leap I made in my self-confidence and living my life for me, came when I began to understand this and integrate it into my life.

You do not have to change how you look to feel good about your body and about your life - you have to change how you look at yourself.

It’s not about how you look or how others perceive you, it’s about how you feel. If you need help with this, go on Instagram and see all the influencers who are outside of the very narrow mainstream beauty standards that are living their best lives and loving themselves.

What we want isn’t to fit the beauty standard, it is self-love. We conflate beauty standards and accepted norms as self-love and that’s why so many people are trapped on a hamster wheel of despair that they don’t know how to get off.

THE GOOD NEWS. THERE IS AN EXIT. You can unplug from these wild standards and start living from your authenticity (it does take practice and time, so be patient)

We transform our day to day experience when we shift from living outside of ourselves to living in our body. If you’re stuck as an observer to your life, you’re losing out on truly living your life.

The culture we live in disconnects us from our body, deceiving us into believing that our body must look a certain way before we can achieve our goals.

We take our power back when we root back into our bodies and connect with our innate power within.

If you do not connect to your physical experience, you cannot connect to your intuition. GO BACK AND READ THAT AGAIN.

IF YOU DO NOT CONNECT TO YOUR BODY AND LIVE INSIDE YOUR PHYSICAL BEING, YOU ARE CUTTING YOURSELF OFF FROM YOUR POWER SOURCE. I know this because I lived outside of myself for most of my adult life. I was watching my life as a 3rd party instead of living firsthand in my own body.

If you are disconnected to your body, it’s likely for very good reason. We shift out of our bodies for many reasons, trauma being one of the big reasons and diet culture being another. If you’ve grown up in a woman’s body - then you’ve grown up in a world that has trained you to objectify yourself. Women learn and internalize from a young age that how men perceive you is your value (thanks patriarchy) While this is not true, it’s a powerful message that has been perpetuated in the media and is used to keep women small. (Another reading recommendation - Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski)

If we are so self-focused on how we are perceived, than we cannot enjoy our lives fully. Living fully happens when we let go of what it looks like and enjoy the physical experience of being present and in our bodies. We cannot go full throttle on accomplishing our goals if we’re too distracted trying to make ourselves acceptable from the outside.

I spent years on the loop of believing that my worth came from my external appearance until it dawned on me that all that pressure I was putting on myself was slowly killing me, what was the point of trying to look good if I didn’t FEEL GOOD?!?!

My brain was dedicated to beating myself up and there wasn’t any space to really let loose and enjoy my life. I was living my life as an observer to myself - stage mothering myself; over-controlling every move, worried about how others might perceive me instead of living from my heart and body.

I was so miserable I had to give up. What was the point? What was all of "this” performance for? Certainly it wasn’t for me. If my life wasn’t for my enjoyment, then what? When I let go of trying to be everything for everyone else, I opened up space to truly find out what it meant to be me.

Your worth isn’t what someone else thinks. Your worth and experience is centered in being YOU.

It takes time to let go of your old mindset that keeps you small and build a new one that supports you.

If this is new work for you (and even if it’s not) being gentle leads to more growth than being harsh on yourself (trust me, I’ve done both).

TAKE ACTION

Practice + Reflection Questions:

How can you be kind to yourself and your body today?

Are you listening to the messages your body is sending or are you too worried about what it looks like to listen?

If you know you aren’t treating your body with respect - see what happens if you get curious about what’s happening in your body instead of having expectations.

Who benefits from your negative self-talk to your body?

If you’ve got the time today - assess your relationship to your body and your intuition. Are you expecting your body to be something different than what it is? Why? How is that affecting your ability to listen inward?

Shifting into the driver’s seat of your life is letting go of any external expectations and checking in with your energy and needs. Affirm that you are making progress just by considering these questions.

BODIES, BEAUTY STANDARDS AND THE PRESSURE TO BE EVERYTHING

When I began teaching fitness, my own vanity was like, YES NOW I WILL FINALLY ACHIEVE MY PERFECT BODY.

UGH, BODIES.

BEAUTY STANDARDS.

THE PRESSURE TO BE EVERYTHING.

This is something I rarely, if ever, address with myself.
I’ve driven myself crazy for years striving for the “perfect body.”

Let’s just get one thing out in the open; teaching fitness does NOT automatically hand you a banging bod. I’ve learned firsthand that you don’t get to look like a VS model just standing in a studio every day. (You are born that way or you aren’t.) Coming to terms with this has been very upsetting.

Teaching fitness also doesn’t include a new personality transplant or superhero self-control. I know, very to extremely disappointing to learn.

I’ve found out that being a fitness professional is not a shortcut to perfection.

Can anyone else relate to trying to achieve perfection through the following labels?

Whole30

Vegan

Clean eating,

gluten-free

sugar-free

dairy-free

Girl, I’ve tried it all.

I’ve also sought to be alcohol-free, caffeine free, and any number of the above labels to telegraph to the world that I am free from sin, I am free from judgment and I can't be judged, because of my label is my shield. Therefore, I am exempt from judgment.

OOF. Let’s talk about a losing battle.

Now more than ever, I think the pressure to be thin and have glowing, clear skin can be perceived as a moral failing. Many alternative healers and lifestyles touted in Goop and the like make it seem that if we aren’t eating plant-based, sugar-free, gluten-free (or whatever is in rn) then we’re going to inflame our system to high heaven, die from depression and our vaginas will stop working. Now, let me also be frank and say, almost 100% I subscribe to these kinds of alternative healing ideas, but to what end? If I end up blaming my own lack of self-control and then shame spiral? THEN WHAT?

I cycle through love for my body and contempt for myself because I FUCKING LOVE FOOD and to the detriment of my own mental health, I’m also very susceptible to wishful thinking. I think, “oh, I could do that keto eating program, I could give up sugar/ gluten/ carbs forever, I can become a disciple of Amanda Chantal Bacon aka health and wealth incarnate AND THEN I WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE.” Inevitably, 2 hours later, there’s been at least one chocolate bar or one cookie or one “health” smoothie later, I’m like, ok, tomorrow. TOMORROW IT HAPPENS.

Inevitably that cycle means I live under a mental cloud of what if’s and willful denial of my own nature.

But recently, I had a moment of surrender.

When I’m training clients, the clients who accept their limitations and modify to meet their needs accelerate through the workout more than those that deny their true fitness level.

So while it feels so counterintuitive, the first step to grow or change is accepting what is.

Huge personal eureka moment: accepting doesn’t mean I like it.

Accepting something doesn’t mean I agree or that I give up,  it just means I acknowledge the facts. Therefore, I had to accept some crucial facts about myself if I wanted to take away the power from IF/THEN and move the power back to myself and loving myself AS IS.

So here are some frank conversations I’ve had with myself over the past few months:
1)    I love food (you'd be amazed at how many times I've had to have this one with myself.)

2)    Joshua (fiancé) works for a taco restaurant 

3)    I hate cooking

4)    I am not someone who will succeed with a stringent eating plan or any sort of restriction. Anytime I’ve tried this is what happens: Eat a smoothie and salad, feel great! working out, not working out, working out, go out too late, BURGERS BURGERS BURGERS, 4 GLASSES OF WINE, TAKE OUT TAKE OUT TAKE OUT fuck I have to eat something healthy. SALAD? MUST GET BACK ON WAGON. CANCELS YOGA 7 TIMES AND THEN GOES TO ONE YOGA CLASS, FEELS INVINCIBLE THEREFORE PROBABLY SHOULD GET SOME MORE BURGERS, OH WAIT I’M HEALTHY NOW SO, ONE RUN, ONE EARLY MORNING SPIN, RINSE. REPEAT.

At what point do I work with myself?

One of the really cool things about my job is interacting with a lot of exceptional people from all walks of life. I’ve got fitness buffs, newbies, and every shape, age and whatever else you might want to throw out there.

And here’s the thing, I don’t judge any of them. Hand to God, I think all of them are amazing. I love hearing their stories, seeing their progress and just generally being in the presence of kind, fun people that like to work out (and laugh at my jokes).

When I recognized the beauty and strength in those around me, I was able to really see it in myself.

Surrender and acceptance lead to mental freedom. I am my own worst critic. We're only judging others because we're judging ourselves. When I recognize that, I can set myself free.

The takeaway: 

Self-love and acceptance do not spring from external changes in appearance, which I should know as I’ve cycled through endless fashion choices and hair colors and styles in search of both.

Confidence, self-love, and acceptance are what I am really seeking when I envy someone’s put-together look or strong core.

If I only accept myself within a set standard, then I'm not loving myself.

If I genuinely love myself, then I'm gentle and kind to myself and that naturally extends to others.

If you see someone make others feel bad or say that only a certain look is acceptable - then that is evidence of their own thought pattern that isn’t loving.

Let me address that this work is obviously in no way finished. It is not a linear process nor am I practicing this 100% of the time. I do think though, that the more we can name what burdens us, the more we can free ourselves.

I'm proud of all of the work I've been able to accomplish this year that was triggered by my move to Austin.