I'm married now and here are my thoughts
I got married, I cried a lot once it was over and now I am just filled with gratitude for how lucky I’ve been.
Major life events are curious things. It’s weird to be celebrated for finding your partner, but it’s also really, really fun.
Step one: find a photographer that takes pictures where you’re like, oh damn, yes, we look good! Pic via Caitlin Rose Photo
I was hesitant to have a wedding celebration. Is it cheesy to have a wedding? Am I full basic status for wanting one? Should we gather a small group and go to Mexico? Is it modern to skip it entirely?
When I searched my heart of hearts though, I knew I wanted the whole big party, fancy dress and to dance my heart out with my love and all my friends and fam, which leads me to the reason I am writing this post…
HAVING A WEDDING WAS FULLY WORTH IT.
It seems so over the top to declare one 6 hour party the best day of your life, but after it’s all said and done I am firmly in the camp of YES, HAVE THE WEDDING.
I cannot overstate how super magical and wonderful it was to celebrate with our friends and family. It was impossible to not feel loved. I mean how insanely cool that all these people had taken time off from their lives to come hang out with us and eat food in fancy clothes?
Here we are stomping on the glass (we each had our own). Pic via Caitlin Rose Photo
If the point of life is being present and loving your loved ones, then having a wedding is a seriously wonderful way to combine the best of life.
What no one could have prepared me for was how sad I was once it was all over and the last of my family went back to their respective coasts.
The general consensus on wedding planning is one of relief once it’s finally done, like whew! We did it and it’s over, YAY! So when I cried like 5 times over the next week because I was just so sad it was done, but also just absolutely overjoyed that it happened and was perfect and then I’d be so overwhelmed with love, I was like,
WHAT IS HAPPENING, WHO AM I? WHEN DID I BECOME A CRY PERSON?
All these feelings were a colossal surprise to me. Have I always been this sentimental? (Yes, I uncontrollably sobbed as a 5-year-old at a screening of Milo & Otis)
So now that time has passed and I’m able to accept that my wedding was a once in a lifetime event, I’m left with a different perspective on my life.
I had never truly realized how lucky I am. Our wedding was a moment where I was able to take a visual stock of my life. Surrounded by friends and family, I realized that no matter what my job or my location, I have already succeeded at life. I have cultivated strong relationships with people whom I love and admire and it has filled my heart with such joy to be able to see that and enjoy it.
How do I even begin to express the joy all of these ladies have brought me? Pic via Caitlin Rose Photo
I know it’s the most cliché, but it really does feel different to be married. It’s hard to pin down what it is exactly, but I will say it is especially fun to be newlyweds because people are extra nice to us.
Most noticeably, I feel more calm because I get to have a partner with me, which feels something like cheating at life. Sometimes we’re hanging out and I’m just struck with how insane it all is. How did we find each other? Why is it so fun to just do nothing or decide that Sunday night is bowling night? It’s honestly mind-boggling.
In the end, it boils down to this: there is so much darkness out there, if you can throw a party to celebrate the bright I SAY GO FOR IT!
just a small thought for today
In my two previous careers (corporate retail, teaching middle and high school), I felt deeply uneasy about my career identity. I felt like my job was never right for expressing who I really am. Working in health and fitness is a better fit with my personal interests and love for people, but I still feel I have more to tap into creatively.
With no clear plan on how to spend my time off (other than getting sucked into wedding planning) I have been working to set up my paints and my notebooks in places that are easy to get to, so that when I do have downtime, I am not endlessly scrolling instagram for wedding ideas, but am more likely to reach for a paint and experiment a little bit with watercolor. Last year around this time was the first time I put my work in the public, during a small art show in Bushwick. This year I'd love to sell my cards locally and perhaps on Etsy? Ideally I'd like to find a community of people in Austin who also paint and create.
My life has changed so much since moving here that I'm still working on daily / weekly routines. In many ways, I feel like I'm back in college or high school, with loads of free time and no clear idea on how to use it effectively. It's a gift I sometimes worry I'm frittering away. I feel lucky to be shaken up and finding my footing, able to reset my routines and behaviors, but it can be deeply uncomfortable. I've found myself questioning my own interests, and I've observed how quickly I can become paralyzed by all of these new freedom.
When I was younger, I yearned for someone to just tell me what I am good at, or point out any path that might make me feel safe. Now, I know that I can't take shortcuts to my own happiness and success, but that doesn't stop me from feeling I'm a giant ball of potential without a clear path to express it/ unlock it.
Spending some time with my paints makes me feel good. Maybe the work I make will never go farther than my living room, but it's something I like and for now that seems like a solid starting place.
OMG WEDDING PLANNING
OoF, clearly it's been hard to follow up on my last post from mid October. How do I top my reveal that summer of YOLO came complete with new life changing love? Perhaps one doesn't, but my journey continues. My love and I moved in together in October and we got engaged! Are we crazy? Of course! We moved in and got engaged after essentially knowing each other for 6 weeks. I counter anyone's skepticism with this - if you knew this was the person for you, why would you wait? And I mean that seriously, why would you wait? We were both ready to start our lives together.
I'm so excited to be engaged, to have a partner that I love and trust and want to marry, and it's crazy that here I am, the time has come for me and it's just like, holy moses, where is the playbook for this?
I know when I was single I would read how planning a wedding is stressful and honestly I didn't believe it. I was like, it's a party and you invite everyone you know and you get to wear an awesome dress? WHERE IS THE BAD AND WHY ARE PEOPLE COMPLAINING?
UM, NOW I KNOW.
First, as someone who likes to know all the options before I make any decisions, let's first establish that it is incredibly overwhelming just trying to get a handle on the amount of wedding content out there. Where to begin? Magazines? Pinterest? Instagram? Apps? Blogs? Books? IT IS ABSOLUTELY TOO MUCH TO FILTER THROUGH.
I've already abandoned about 15 different distinct wedding ideas already. I am hoping we get married this fall but as weddings need significant lead time and I don't even have my "vision" yet, me thinks it might be pushed out to spring 2019.
Also, I wanted to include clips from Portlandia's "Cool Wedding" episode, but YOU HAVE TO HAVE HULU AND I FEEL LIKE THAT'S A BIG AGGRESSIVE.
So, that's the latest update on my romantic life, Stay tuned for more updates on wedding planning.