Understanding Conditioning: Body Image + Human Design
I remember distinctly being in 4th grade and the girl next to me in music class lamenting her “fat thighs.”
As I heard this girl tear her body apart, I was struck by what she was saying. I hadn’t really given too much thought to my thighs before this moment and her words drove into me like a wedge.
Was I supposed to hate my body?
PAUSE: Human Design immediately makes me think about childhood body image? YES.
A huge part of living your design is releasing the conditioning that you’ve picked up along the way that pushes you to live in your NOT SELF.
As adults, we know that this 9 year old didn’t authentically hate her “fat thighs,” she was simply reflecting the conditioning of her family and the cultural beliefs that she had absorbed from her environment. Something I reference all the time on my instagram is the Beauty Redefined book and teachings. Lexie and Lindsay Kite, PhD’s have researched exactly how women are taught to self-objectify themselves and the harm that causes.
Finding the beliefs that keep us stuck from being ourselves is one of the first steps needed when you are working towards living YOUR fulfilling life. If you are living in a woman’s body, chances are you need to work through your self-objectifying beliefs so that you can get into your authentic desires and energy.
To connect to our inner voice and guidance, we must be IN and connected to our bodies. Facing memories and beliefs about what keeps us disconnected from our bodies is a HUGE part of the process. It is not pretty, it doesn’t really feel good either, but it is a part of the process that allows you to get to a place of authenticity within yourself and isn’t that the whole point of being alive?
Competition, comparison, body image issues, it all starts YOUNG. It serves as a distraction from living your life. It is also strategically used to oppress women because we can’t move forward if we’re too worried about how we look.
In Human Design terminology, this is called conditioning. We are conditioned to fit in and be acceptable so that we get our needs met. Women believe that their value is tied to how they look and therefore we shut down huge swaths of our authentic selves to divert precious resources to making ourselves “acceptable.” But you are not a stock. Your value does NOT rise and fall in concordance with your physical appearance.
Why does this matter? Conditioning holds us back from being who we are. If we are worried about HOW WE LOOK, then we are not clued into HOW WE FEEL.
How you look may get you rewarded externally for a bit, but tuning into how you FEEL will lead to actually being aligned with your highest self.
When we are in flow we are freely allowing our unique energetic signature to beam into universe with clarity.
When we are living in our NOT SELF, we’re scrambling or hiding our energetic signature - and we’re not calling in the correct opportunities and people for us.
In order to clear out our conditioning so that we’re beaming out a clear signal, we’ve got to get in our bodies to feel our authority so that we’re not overthinking and getting stuck in our conditioning.
Embodiment is the antidote to self-objectification. Striving to live fully in our physical being leads to our full expression of being.
Embodiment is a word thrown around a lot lately. But what does it really mean when someone says this? If we look to the dictionary, we see embody to mean giving a body to a spirit. I see embodiment as a channel to deeper self-understanding. We need to be fully grounded in ourselves (our body) to make decisions that are truly the best for us.
I find it can be helpful if we all understand that embodiment simply means being grounded in our body. Now, this isn’t a seamless transition. It’s taken me a long time to drop my self-objectification and just allow myself to BE. It feels awkward at first to not participate in diet culture. I felt self-conscious to just let my body be - but the more I just allowed myself to be, the more I realized I could hear what my body was saying. I felt what a yes and no was in my body.
Allow embodiment to be a daily practice. Notice how often you are disconnected and watching yourself in life. Gently steer yourself back into the present moment.
What do you feel? I found that slow flow yoga and yin yoga really helped me connect into my physical being. A physical practice of any kind that helps you be present and in the moment will help you connect to your inner voice.
Want to learn more? Let’s chat
Human Design: freedom through living as yourself
Human Design appeals to me because it’s proof that we’re all designed to be different.
As I child I felt so frustrated that my peers didn’t see how silly “favorites” were. Why limit yourself to one of anything? Didn’t they see how arbitrary picking one thing and elevating it over another was?
Why do we decide that one thing is important and special to the exclusion of other things?
This question has nagged me my whole life.
When I found Human Design I felt relief.
Relief that someone was finally seeing something my way - that we all are designed with unique talents, gifts, and views that bring something into this world.
Everyone is created to bring in a specific energy signature into the world. We all make an impact and play an integral part of the universal plan. Everything is interconnected. Nothing is better than anything else - everything holds value and purpose.
We could have so much more joy in our lives and in the world if we recognized that everyone brings a special flavor of perspective and talent into the world. If we recognized our own talents and didn’t look to try and make our talents look like someone else’s.
The root cause of a lot of suffering is living in the not self. We’re attracted and seduced by what we aren’t. A pothole so many people fall prey to is believing you build character through conquering what you aren’t good at - whether through competitive forces or through believing a cultural narrative that arbitrarily elevates certain career paths and traits over others.
I grew up in the Christian faith and the parable of the three servants is something that bubbles up constantly when I think about Human Design and feeling satisfied in life. We are given gifts in life and it is not about comparing ourselves to others, it’s about using what we have and sharing our talent with others that brings joy and satisfaction.
We’ve been so browbeat by narrative or linear thinking to realize that there are so many ways to be successful.
We will always be seduced by what other people can do because we don’t live in a vacuum. Recognizing that you are attracted to something isn’t the same thing as needing to be that thing.
MY PHILOSOPHY IS SIMPLE (and borrowed from that parable mentioned above):
WE CAN USE OUR TIME ON EARTH ENJOYING OUR TALENTS AND GIFTS OR WE CAN BURY OUR GOLD.
We’ll all be happier people if we accept who we are and explore what it means to be on earth with the set of energetic tools we’ve been given.
We all have talents, dreams, and wishes for our time - are you following those urges and desires or are you brushing them off?
We’re not meant to live a life to please our families or external sources.
We’re here to express our inner well of joy, creativity, and passion.
Ready to let your inner talents free? Book a session with me.
Shifting success to work for you: Navigating the world with an open heart center and swimming against the tide of a productivity at any cost culture.
In Human Design, wisdom doesn’t come from the defined energy, but from the white spaces in our charts.
Ra Uru Hu (channeler of the Human Design System) said it best when he said the white space is where we go to school.
In Human Design, wisdom doesn’t come from the defined energy, but from the white spaces in our charts.
Ra Uru Hu (channeler of the Human Design System) said it best when he said the white space is where we go to school.
Therefore, whenever I’m in my not-self over my worth, I go to open heart school where I am constantly reminded that open hearts have nothing to gain from trying to prove themselves.
So check your chart, if you have white space in the heart (ego) center (70% of us do), you have the potential to get really burned by societal pressures to perform and achieve.
TAKE THAT IN FOR A MINUTE. 70% OF PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE STABLE HEART ENERGY AT THEIR DISPOSAL. This means that the majority of people are getting sucked into competitive energy and ego energy that’s not theirs.
EXPLAINS A LOT, DOESN’T IT.
70% OF PEOPLE ARE OUT HERE THINKING, “I HAVE TO ACHIEVE TO PROVE MY WORTH.”
WE HAVE GOT TO GET OFF THIS HAMSTER WHEEL.
UNLESS YOU ENJOY TAKING SOMEONE ELSE’S RIDE (SEE HAMSTER CLINGING TO WHEEL FOR DEAR LIFE ABOVE), learning to balance that open heart center is critical for our wellbeing.
We’re not meant to compete in the same way that defined hearts do. Those blessed with their own heart energy typically have the built in self-worth that we have to build on our own.
So how does the open heart center work?
Our heart centers amplify the output from surrounding defined heart energy. We’re processing centers for heart energy, which explains why we can really get caught in the tailwind of our cultural obsession with action and achievement.
Hi, yes, I’d like off the hamster wheel please.
Balancing your open heart is possible!
First step is compassion towards ourselves and others. Second step is remembering with an open heart you aren’t here to prove your worth.
These are the only steps needed in heart school. Compassion towards yourself and the mantra, “I have nothing to prove.”
When you find yourself on the hamster wheel, feel free to give a quick reframe to the experience by saying thank you for teaching me that I have nothing to prove.
No one told us we’re out here amplifying the energy of others or that we can quickly get carried away while others can use that energy wisely. From my experience, it feels like failing at having value while others seem SO VALUABLE and it feels random. It can trigger my victim mentality and feel very, WHY NOT ME?*
No matter what we try, we can’t earn our way to heart energy if we don’t have it in our charts.
It is fully random that some people get heart energy and you and I didn’t. If you need something to blame, blame the stars. (Our bodygraph is a map of our energy and that energy outlined on the map is imprinted star energy. They just weren’t on heart energy when you were born and that is OK!)
It’s all going to be fine because we can shift our attention and awareness to where it can have an impact.
So my open heart friends - when we’re in heart school, we’re learning that we are already enough.
We may be in heart school for years, days, months, or on and off for our whole lives. We’re in heart school as much as we need until we integrate the knowledge that Open heart energy people aren’t here to base our worth on our productivity - it’s just not our energy!
So, open heart - you have nothing to prove. Now what?
Sitting down and defining success for ourselves, especially during testing times is a spiritual exercise that can bring greater alignment into your life.
If you didn’t have the media setting the agenda for you, what would success look like for you?
If you haven’t taken a step back from TV, magazines, social media anything that triggers you to act out of low self-worth, well- now’s the time. It’s super helpful to cut out the noise to connect back with your core essence.
If you need research proving that there’s nothing to gain from pushing yourself into endless productivity - I recommend finding these two books:
Yes, I read two books this summer to prove that I have nothing to prove, but if you’re anything like me and you need some solid validation and well-researched evidence about the benefits of shifting your success metrics - read one or both of these. Celeste Headlee’s research showing how our definition of success has been passed down and shaped through the generations genuinely blew my mind.
When we follow our own guidance and intuition and work on building our own self-worth foundation it can feel lonely, but know that we’re in the midst of creating new worlds. We’re making ourselves unshakeable. We’re swimming against the old ways and new ways of experiencing and experimenting can be met with skepticism by the greater collective.
Double-down on your own way!My life is infinitely more enjoyable when I am process-oriented. We’re on the vanguard when we decide to enjoy the moment and not just the end results.
While I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to stop getting caught in the achievement lifestyle completely, knowing that I have an open heart helps me become so much more aware when I am out of my alignment.
I am here to feel and experience, I gain wisdom and awareness by growing my daily ability to appreciate life.
If you’d like to explore this for yourself here are some reflection questions you can journal on:
How have your values shifted during this time?
How do you define success?
What lessons have you been learning lately?
How do I know when I am in my not-self?
*if you click on this link know this is my favorite commercial from college in the year 2005. Yes, it is enforcing gender stereotypes + objectifies women, but I definitely felt,(maybe still feel) like an Ashley a lot.
HUMAN DESIGN 101: WHAT IS THE NOT-SELF?
PERHAPS YOU’VE WORKED TOWARD A GOAL ONLY TO FIND IT WASN’T SO SATISFYING ONCE ACHIEVED?
Or just had that overwhelming feeling that you aren’t living YOUR life?
LIKELY YOU’RE WORKING OUT OF YOUR NOT-SELF.
THE NOT-SELF IS EXACTLY WHAT IS SOUNDS LIKE, IT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE LET OUR CONDITIONING TAKE OVER AND DRIVE OUR LIFE FORWARD INSTEAD OF ALLOWING OUR NATURAL AUTHORITY TO MAKE DECISIONS.
WE ALL HAVE A UNIQUE WAY OF MAKING DECISIONS AS OUR AUTHENTIC SELVES.
PERHAPS YOU’VE WORKED TOWARD A GOAL ONLY TO FIND IT WASN’T SO SATISFYING ONCE ACHIEVED?
Or just had that overwhelming feeling that you aren’t living YOUR life?
LIKELY YOU’RE WORKING OUT OF YOUR NOT-SELF.
THE NOT-SELF IS EXACTLY WHAT IS SOUNDS LIKE, IT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE LET OUR CONDITIONING TAKE OVER AND DRIVE OUR LIFE FORWARD INSTEAD OF ALLOWING OUR NATURAL AUTHORITY TO MAKE DECISIONS.
WE ALL HAVE A UNIQUE WAY OF MAKING DECISIONS AS OUR AUTHENTIC SELVES.
BY GETTING COMFORTABLE WITH OURSELVES, WE CAN BEGIN TO INTERACT WITH OUR LIFE AND OTHERS IN A NEW WAY. A FREEING WAY.
HUMAN DESIGN SHOWS US HOW TO GET IN OUR OWN CORRECT LANE. MOST OF US SPEND OUR LIFE OPERATING OUT OF THIS NOT-SELF SPACE WHERE WE ARE PUSHING TOO HARD AND USING OUR ENERGY INCORRECTLY. WE’RE ALL DRIVING AROUND IN FERRARIS, BUT HAVEN’T LEARNED HOW TO DRIVE. HUMAN DESIGN IS LIKE GETTING A DRIVING LESSON SO THAT WE CAN REALLY GET GOING.
Each energy type has its own theme that allows us to see when we’re out of our alignment - or driving in our NOT-SELF.
Generators + Manifesting Generators: when you are experiencing thematic frustration - it’s time to take a look at what you are spending your time on - has your energy stopped flowing and you’re trying to force it? Frustration is a sign you’re no longer using your energy efficiently.
Manifestors: When that anger bubbles up, you’re likely not speaking up or someone has tried to direct your action. When you’ve got that righteous anger flowing - PAY ATTENTION! You’re out of alignment.
Projectors: BITTERNESS, JEALOUSY, ENVY, COMPARISON - if any of these flavors are popping up - it’s time to regroup. With our deep ability to see into others, we often neglect ourselves. Bitterness (and it’s related cousins jealousy, etc) show up when we need to spend some time inside ourselves.
Reflectors: When you are just DISAPPOINTED, that’s the signpost from the universe that you need to take some time to release the energy you’ve collected along the way from society. You are in alignment when you’ve got that feeling of surprise and delight. If you’re overwhelmed with disappointment, time to spend some time alone recharging.
These energetic signposts are so helpful in telling us when it’s time to get out of our minds and into the body. If you’re finding that you’re living in your Not-Self more than alignment, that’s totally fine! No need to beat yourself up, just start getting curious. Journaling, yoga, movement, a conversation with a trusted friend can all be good places to begin to reconnect with your own authenticity.
Want to dig deeper? I’m always available for a Clarity Session.